Storytelling Episode 1 | Midlife MasterPeace
I just woke up—and it’s almost twenty years later.
Eighteen and a half, to be exact.
Those children I remember being three years old, calling me Daddi with drool-covered kisses, copying my mannerisms, lighting up when I picked them up from school… they don’t exist anymore, they’re well over 20 years old now. And yet, I still cry over them. Way more than I’d care to admit.
“Grief eats up your years,” says Prophetess Miranda, my new online pastor.
And she’s not wrong.
Have I had good times since then?
Maybe a short laugh with a lover.
A few sweet holidays with my elderly mother.
A tipsy moment or two with close friends on my 40th birthday.
But nothing—nothing—has compared to the joy of raising toddlers.
I was 27 when my relationship with their mother ended.
Now I’m 45, and she’s moved on. Married. Had more babies with someone else.
And I’m still here.
Watching the decades go by.
Trapped in grief.
That’s not just sadness. Living with functional depression must be addressed spiritually. That’s what Prophetess calls being trapped by the demons (or negative forces) named Delusion, Rejection and Fear.
And they’ve been living rent-free in my body for way too long.
What No One Sees
Mood swing would be an understatement.
No matter how silly I act or how loud I laugh, I’m always one breath away from not caring if I wake up tomorrow. Not in a dramatic way. In a tired, dull and aching kind of way.
Can you ever replace the joy of a child— even when they aren’t yours?
Or the thrill of your first love—when it’s buried under layers of time and silence?
And what if you’ve searched so long for that feeling that your heart is now void of hope,
no matter how much your mind tries to cheer it up?
Fragmented
The spirit of rejection strips away identity.
It isolates. Silences.
Makes you feel like you’re on mute in your own life.
But I still hear a whisper.
Renew your mind.
Take out the old thoughts. Bring in new ones.
Ancient wisdom is your medicine.
So maybe this isn’t the end.
Maybe it’s the place before the rebirth.
Sacred Texts for the Journey
Sacred Texts for the Journey
📖 Psalm 34:18 (NIV)
“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.”
📖 Romans 12:2 (NIV)
“Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.”
📜 Tao Te Ching, Chapter 22
“If you want to become whole, let yourself be partial.
If you want to become straight, let yourself be crooked.
If you want to become full, let yourself be empty.
If you want to be reborn, let yourself die.”